Hubby and me are fighting over where to live. He has a long commute to work. No matter what we do, there will be a commute. We come in right behind LA for the worst traffic in the nation. I keeping telling him to apply to this one company that is only a 30 minute drive during rush hour that he keeps mentioning, but he hasn't applied. Average commute time in Chicago is 45 minutes.
We currently live near my parents and brother, and hubby drives 40-60 minutes to work each way. It's terrible, but when we bought our first house, we just couldnt afford anything close to his work. Now I have built up a life where we are, and I have no desire to move. I started a homeschool group here, and the kids and I have lots of friends around town. I like our community.and I love being close to my parents. In fact, my parents live nearby to my grocery store, so I frequently drop the kids off when I shop. They also baby sit all the time and help out when hubby is traveling. They are 12 minutes from me, and my brother is a mile.
With that said, I do wish hubby didn't spend 20 hours a week driving. It's slowly killing him, and we need to do something about his drive. He's been at his company for over 10 years, so chances are, he will just stay there.
How do we find a balance to meet both of our needs? My parents are almost 80, and they will start needing me after I no longer need them to babysit. Moving 30 minutes away during off peak times would make things difficult. Yet, I can't keep just putting my needs before hubby's. it isn't fair to him. We bought here thinking he'd eventually get a job that he could take a train to, but he just keeps switching jobs at work, rather than moving companies. And he isn't one to get up early and head to work when the drive is only 30 minutes. Either way, he usually gets stuck in meetings till at least 5.
I'm tired, he on,y commutes 10 hours a week.
I actually think something else is bugging hubby. He has never complained about his commute before, but now that we are discussing moving, it's all he is talking about. I even tried to point out that there is no guarantee he will always work for the same company...so why live near work...and we had originally picked our current town because of all it offers us on weekends! But now he wants to leave our life and start over somewhere else.
I don't have any suggestions for you. I am just glad that I don't have this problem. I don't think I could ever live in a place with those kinds of commute times.
Your city is 9 times the population of mine. I've lived North, East & South of mine and average commute time? 45-60 minutes. And I'm going about 15 miles O. way.
The commute you're describing is not "killing" your husband.
He won't get up earlier, he won't take a train or change jobs.
I'll bet when it's getting to him, he'll make some changes.
FWIW, I'd stay close to your support system.
Good luck!
I think in most metropolitan areas the travel time is upwards of 40 minutes.
Perhaps try to look at the situation from outside the box. Talk to friends in your area and see what they have done if one or both parents has a long commute.
Perhaps there is a car-pool that hubby could take advantage of or arrange? That would split the actual DRIVING time.
If the train arrives near his office, but you don't live close to it, maybe you could move closer to the train, but still stay close to where your "life" is.
But you also have to consider your husband in this. Kids are resiliant. They learn and grow with changes as long as the parents prepare them well and listen to them in the process. Your husband's health and well being are just as important as everyone else. It's nice to be a mile away from people, but a 15 minute drive isn't the end of things - that's what most people deal with at the least.
A one hour commute each way is not 20 hours a week, it's 10. It's what grown-ups do and honestly I don't understand what he's complaining about. A typical commute here is about an hour one way, with many people spending a lot more time than that in transit. Maybe it's about perspective, but I really don't think he has anything to complain about. My husband drives 45-60 minutes each way to his job. I can go in late and only go in the office a few days a week but my commute is 35 - 40 minutes without traffic and 60+ with - and that's considered average to short here. When I tutor and teach, which can be 7 days a week, that's also 45-60 minutes each way for a two-hour tutoring session or three-hour class.
I think his expectations are just flat-out unrealistic. Grown ups who live in and near cities commute. It's part of life and I don't think it's anything to be upset about, to consider a problem, or to uproot your family over.
And FWIW, Chicago's traffic isn't as bad as you think - depending on what study you look at, it's somewhere between #5 and #10 in the country for major metropolitan areas.
I think you need to move closer to hubby's work. You can still have your parents and your group, you will just have to drive further to meet them. Can your parents drive to babysit? At 80, they might not be able to babysit much longer, and hubby is paying a terrible price.
The kids can easily switch schools and make new friends. Humans are more flexible at their ages.
If you know and see that it's killing him, and he has a stable, lucrative job at this company that he likes, then I think you need to move.
Obviously, gaining or losing money on your home should be considered in this decision.
Yep, my commute is 45 min and hubby has a 60 min doozer, when there is no construction. When I worked downtown, my train ride was 70 min plus a mile walk...don't miss that one!
We choose to live a bit in the country but, enjoy the higher wages of the inner areas.
Just figure out what your priorities are together. For us, it is enjoying the weekends so we deal with the commute.
When reading your post, it sounds like your home school, friends and parents are your priority. Think hard where your husband falls into the list!
I'm amazed so many people with kids have such long commutes! One thing to consider is I just read again how impt family dinners are for kids. So with this commute, can he get home in time? Most senior people I know work past 6:00 so that would put him home after 7 which is gettig late... He may be focused on the commute now btw bc he sees a light at the end of the tunnel meaning he can soon change it! Even 10 to 15 min closer to his job could be a big change for him and 10 min for you to drive isn't much at all. I guess I'm old fashioned and think if he's the main breadwinner and it's not a matter of taking your kids put of great schools and putting them in bad ones, he should be accommodated.
Sucks but it seems like unless the breadwinner has to have a long commute in order to send the kids to good schools in a safe area that's affordable for them, the family moves closer to the job. (Or the husband just doesn't mind the commute) It'd be one thing if your kids were in HS but you're talking about a lot of years and an unlikely job move. I know lots of men who commute by train for an hour but that's different than driving. There's an area I'd love to move to but it'd be 45-60 min for my husband each way and in our case, his work is very "optional". Yet he still wins... Your parents may have to move to assisted living anyway or can move closer to you and/or you would likely be going to see them during nonrush hour. If you move so that his commute is 25-35 min, it'll make a big difference to him but you won't be that much further from your parents and can still visit with friends.
I drive 30 minutes to work in the a.m., 45 minutes home. This is pretty darned standard unless you live in the boondocks. Honestly, I wouldn't be complaining about a 30 minute commute time. An hour or two? Now we're talking. I don't blame you for wanting to stay put near friends/family/your life you've created, I really don't.
I love the idea of him taking public transportation!
It is hard to decide. But you currently don't work, did you? Do you remember how hard it was to get up and get to and from work? Think back to your commute.
Can your hubby work from home a day or two? (even if that means at the local library?)
I have the 45-60 mins commute and my hubby has 30 min. I bought the place we live in, and we are currently stuck due to the market. I am used to the commute, and it is worse when I have to drive and get the kids from my moms, the traffic is actually worse (good Old 290) .
Have you looked at different areas? Since you home school your location really does not matter as it is not a school factor. So You need to check your priorites and decide what you two both need. Is there a location that is inbetween where your parents and brother live and where he works?
I drive at least an hour or more each way to work. My husband drives at least an hour and fifteen minutes each way each day. So, I am having a hard time with your husband's commute time. The average commute time would be at 45 minutes unless you live and work in a small town. I think as you said there is more to this. Maybe he doesn't like living that close to your family.
How do you get 20 hours a week? If he is driving 60 minutes each way, that is two hours. Two hours times 5 days is 10 hours. So he is spending 10 hours not 20 hours a week. Is that a lot of time? Sure but its not unusual, especially in Houston. On my drive home, I call family and friends. That is the time I use to catch up with them. I very rarely call anyone once I get home.
I think you and your husband need to sit down and really discuss what your needs are in the next house. Good luck!
I know twenty hours is a lot, but are there any trains or public transportation? At last he could take care of reading, or listening to music, etc. while he is on his way home instead of stressed in the car. And I know if he is on another shift other than days it will be tougher also. I definitely see your point about creating your home, community, taking care of parents. Tough one. Wish I had an answer for you. Since I don't know what he does for a living it's kind of hard to throw out some suggestions. But good luck!
What is the mileage. 40 to 60 min IMO is not bad. Try going into NYC daily.
I only drive 17 miles to pick up granddaughter. Morning bout 1/2 hour. In the afternoon when I drop her off at home 5pm) it could take 30 to 60 minutes to get home. Been to Chicago many times and my husband always commented about how light traffic was compared to NY.
The closer you move to the city to cut commute, the more expensive it will be. Only you and your husband can decide what is right for your family.
Good for you for being concerned re: your husband and his commute. Hubs has a 40 minute commute, and I have a 70 - 90 minute commute each way to work. I leave the house at 7:30 and get home at 6:45 for my 9-5 job.Traffic and commuting are a way of life in the NYC area. We bought within walking distance of my parents and within walking distance of the subway and commuter rail.
We've chatted about moving, and have decided that should we move, it would have to be because the new home and neighborhood has decided advantages, not necessarily with hopes of reducing a commute. In this economy, it is never certain how long one will be in a given job.
A few questions for you-
Is he yearning to cut his commute, or is this a want you have for him?
Could he go in early and have a condensed work week and a three day weekend? Could he legitimately telecommute? Could he look for employment elsewhere? Can you move to a place where you don't have to up route the kids, or be that much further from your folks, but in a place which gives him better access to the highway (if that is relevant)? Is there any way in which you can "try it on for size" i.e. rent a home or apartment, while putting yours up for rent/ short term lease for 2-6 months before fully making a committment.
I suggest you have a serious heart to heart before you contact a realtor.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
