DD Still Not Wanting Anything to Do with Potty

My oldest was nearly 4 when she finally chose to cooperate with the potty business. She is a high-energy emergency room physician with 5 kids and an amazing, smart person. Need I say she is strong-willed? I think I made it longer by constantly trying to make it happen, tho I was sweet and gentle. She wanted to be in charge of it and, in the end, she was! Take that for what it's worth.

My son was the same way. He resisted like crazy, refused to go, cried, threw tantrums, you name it. I was afraid he'd never get it.

We gave up and backed off. One day not long after that he just came to us and said "I'm not going to potty or poop in my pants anymore" and that was it. I was dumbfounded! Had I know that earlier, I would not have even pressed the issue.

Since then we have had only ONE potty and ONE poop accident and that's it. Yes, he was 3 1/2 before it finally clicked but once we backed off and respected his abilities he was immensely successful.

I know it is stressful, frustrating, and can make you feel like a failure at parenting (I know it did for me), but maybe try just backing off and see where that gets you. You may be surprised...

I can completely relate to your post. I JUST started again working with my 3 y/o DD who sounds EXACTLY like your daughter. My daughter has/does have sensory issues, so that really doesn't help. I will tell you, I tried training her before 3 years of age and she would throw MAJOR tantrums, just as you describe, refusing completely to go near the potty. I backed off till she turned 3 in Oct. then tried again, slight improvement, but NOT ready. I decided we would approach it AFTER the holidays, and so we started today. She has a completely different attitude! It was a calm, good day. She pooped 3 times in her potty as well as peeing twice!! Wooohooo!!! Now.. back to your dilema... I would back off until AFTER the disney trip, and get hubby on board with that. With traveling/being out of her normal routine, it will be even tougher, not to mention the amount of pressure your placing on your daughter and yourself to get her trained. Whats another few weeks or so, right? When you get back & she settles back into her routine, try again. This time, NO pressure. Just put her in undies, explain the potty is in whatever room your in for her to use, and there will be no more pull-ups or diapers. That's it. She'll have accidents, just have her help you clean up and explain very simply, next time we need to put poo-poo's or pee-pee in the potty. End of story. This HAS worked with my DD, and maybe it will work for yours?/? I also went to the Dollar Store and purchased 10.00 worth of small toys. She HAS to do something in her potty to get one. She got 5 gifts today. BTW, the best thing is do your normal daytime routine and treat this VERY casually. Good luck to you & PM if you'd like.

just be patient, when she is ready, she will be willing. this is not a fight u can win. it is her body, only she can control it. if u are dead set on this, dress her in real underwear, but be prepared for her pee herself 20 times a day. have her change her own wet clothes, rinse them out, and wash them all on her own as a natural consequence, not as a punishment.

good luck

I know this is going to sound cruel, but I'm going to say it anyway. I've been looking a lot at potty training advice recently, as I am training my 23 month old son (and everyone is telling me he's too young...).
I read somewhere about an "older" girl- like 3 and a half or 4 not wanting to use the potty, so her parents took the diapers away and made her help clean up the messes she made.
I think they did it for like 2 days and she started using the potty very quickly.

I personally think she is being held back by the fact that you don't believe she is big enough for undies. Tell your husband that accidents are part of the learning process. End of story. Until you truly believe she is too big for diapers, she will hold on to the diapers.

Pick a day, tell her "you are too big for diapers, sorry sweetie, but it's time to be like mommy and daddy," and NEVER TURN BACK. Accidents are part of the game while they learn how long they can hold it. My daughter has been trained for over a year and she still gets pee on the bathroom floor from time to time (she turns 3 in March). Kids like to play, and stopping to go potty is just a giant inconvenience.

I agree with the first post. I would put her in underpants only and make her help clean up the messes she makes. I don't think pull ups help them get potty trained. They are just like diapers. My daugher had accidents for a whole year just because she was to lazy but she finally got it. Tell your husband he had his chance now its your turn. ;) If that doesn't work talk to her doctor and see what he thinks. Good luck!!!

I don't really agree with the idea that when they are ready they will be willing. My three yo DD was absolutly terrified of the potty and by the time she was 3.5 I knew by the length of time between wet diapers etc that she was "capable" of being potty trained. A lot of people wouldn't agree with our method I am sure but we put her on the toilet with a seat that connected to it for comfort and let her sit there. My husband did most of the potty sitting with her because she pushes me harder then him, and he made her sit there until she would tell him that she at least "tried". It would be long crying sessions several times a day but after about two days she finally figured that we were not giving up. She is a very stubborn child but quick as a whip too. She finally went in the potty and covered her eyes because she was embarassed that something was happening. The whole family praised her and celebrated and each time we tried it got easier. I had to cart the seat in a backpack when we would go places for the first two weeks because she refused to go on pottys outside our house without it. After that it was a breeze. It was a rough couple of days but you just need to committ to it and not look back. Take the diapers away because it is the easy way. They make a more absorbant underwear (gerber I think) that will cut down on the mess a bit. Hang in there and you will be glad you did. I am convinced that if we didn't make her she would still be in diapers!

Oh my gosh - does this remind me of my son! :) We struggled and struggled to get him trained. It sounds to me like she just isn't ready. I know as parents we struggle to get our kids to the next step in life (crawling to walking to running to climbing) so it seems natural to keep this pace up. However - our son put up a speed bump in our plans - and it made us realize he's in control of when his body is ready for the next step.

We did all the same things you did as well, charts, treats, let him pick out a new potty - in the end he would kick an scream whenever we even mentioned just going to sit on the potty.

Don't stress - your DD came sense this is stressful to you and could be rubbing off on her. I would just take a step back from the whole issue again and wait a good 6 months before bringing up the subject to her at all. I've never seen a 7 year old in diapers - so take heart that she will be potty trained at some point - you just need to work on around her schedule.

Stop stressing yourself out....I know easy for me to say. But its true and everyone said it to me. My advice is to wait until after the Disney trip. Go on the Disney trip, have a fun time and enjoy not having to make a million potty trips. So, she can't use the pool, that is something you can tell her when your there. No, sorry honey you have to be a big girl that uses the potty to go in this pool. And find other things to do, which I am sure there is tons of other things to do.

Then after the trip decide your next plan of action. I like others agree that taking away all diapers is your next step. Yes, there will be accidents, possibly lots of accidents, but that's potty training. Also, when you decide to go forth and she screams about sitting on the potty, tell a story to her, read a book, make her sit on the potty until she goes. Then when she goes, celebrate! She will soon learn the potty is not scary. But know this might take a little while and it will take patience and possibly lots of cleaners.

Trust, me I've been there! I tell people all the time that potty training was the hardest most frustrating thing I've ever had to do in my entire life...so far. My oldest was 3 1/2 years old before she was potty trained, by the time she turned 4 and started preschool, no one would have ever guessed that only 6 short months prior I had potty trained her. And like you sound, I was at my wits end. I was so over it. I tried everything and anything. I admit I finally resorted to punishment, because it was the only thing left. When we went out to stores or McDonalds, she would tell me she had to go and never had one accident. That's when I knew she knew how to hold her potty, so one day I decided to take away a movie every time she had an accident at home. Well it only took 6 movies and she was potty trained. (I only suggest punishment to other parents when they know their children are capable of knowing the signs.) Now, when it was time for my youngest I dreaded potty training, she was already 1 1/2 by the time I had potty trained my oldest and I was in no hurry to potty train her. I decided to just let her come to me when she was ready. It was pretty relaxing, until, I started to believe this would never happen, she was just about to turn 3 and like your daughter wouldn't even sit on the potty, said she was scared of it. I finally one day decided to go for it sat her on it, while she screamed...waited it out while I read books and she went. We celebrated. I took all diapers away. The first couple days there were accidents, but can you believe by the third day she was telling me she needed to go...and from that day forward she was potty trained. It was a piece of cake! I am telling you all this because I've been there, and I've learned stressing myself out is not worth it, because like everyone says when they are ready they will go and boy are they right. Good luck!

Pull-ups are not the answer, they only confuse her. If she has one on she will go in it. Make her wear undies, and DIAPERS at night. Pull-ups are too much like undies, she should be in diapers. I know they make them big enough, you can order size 7 of Pampers and Huggies online, we had to in the past.

Maybe if you take her to Babies R Us or somewhere else, and let her pick out a potty she wants, that will help. Let her pick out new pretty undies too whenever you decide to start trying again.

I swear by the 3 day method, I had my son trained at 24 months using it. Our daughter is 18 months are we are introudcing her to the potty now, we want her to be trained by 2 years also.

I just wanted to comment on the one time you tried undies, you said she had many accidents, that is normal for day one!! But you have to stick to it. I potty trained my son at 22 months. I put him in undies, and that first day he had like 13 accidents and was begging for his pullup. I said "no, you are a big boy now". The second day he had 2 accidents, and than one or two a week for a few weeks, and that was it. We had to wait longer with my second son because he had a hip problem at 2 and could not walk, but we did the same thing at 2 1/2, and just like the first time we had a lot of accidents on day one, and than only one or two on day two, ect....

I don't have any answers from you, just sympathy!! I know how you feel! My DD will be 3 in less than 2 months and we have been at it for a year now. She has 2 potty's as well, we let her pick out underwear, we've tried candy rewards, a visual rewards chart, a timer, letting her read a book or play with a toy, putting her in underwear for the day. I don't know what is holding her back. We have had some success in the last 4-5 days, she has gone twice. But it was a team effort. I have an almost 3 month old and I can't spend half the day in the bathroom with the oldest so it's frustrating. She is more than ready, I was beginning to wonder about a sensory problem as well.

But I just wanted to say that as frustrating as it is, you are not alone. I guess their time will come. I have a friend with a girl 4 days younger than mine who is having the same problems. I wish you the best of luck!!