Crying It Out - the Journey Is About to Begin

My kids were all good sleepers but one thing I did which "cued" them to sleep was a CD playing softly in their room. As infants I had one of those heartbeat CD's. As they got older it was Lullabies. Sometimes my 11 year old will still get out her old lullaby CD if she is having trouble sleeping. Kevin Roth's Lullabies was my most favorite. There was also one of world lullabies- songs sung around the world by different peoples. When we travelled we took a portable CD player (it would be an iPod now!) with the CD and some small portable speakers. No matter where we were - the music was the same and the kids had that little bit of home. I've always wondered whether it helped them or not- but I suspect it did give them that cue. Good luck- it's no fun when everyone is sleep deprived.

L.,
I never had to do the "cry out", but soft music did help my girls fall asleep. Have you tried that? or even ocean or rainforest sounds.
My oldest still loves music cd's, like the saxaphone, violin etc.

Hello L.,

I recommend "healthy sleep habits, happy child" from Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It details the process you are talking about and gives some helpful hints. The progressive waiting method is what we did and still do sometimes. It worked great for us the first week was the worst but he is 6 months old and has sleep through the night consistently since 3.5 months. My theory is that when it is dark and he wakes up I give him at least 10 minutes to go back to sleep before I go in, which happens very infrequently now. He usually goes back to sleep within a couple of minutes. For naps and nighttime the biggest help for us was having a routine. at night he has a bath, reads a book, gets a bottle and is swung. Since we have done this bedtime is sooo much eaasier. Good Luck!

Hi L. - I understand your situation. My son was the same way and his pedi said the same thing. But, like many moms, it was totally against my natural instincts. I suggest you do some research on the negatives of the cry it out method. Humans are the only mammal that do this and I believe it is simply a socially pressured situation. Even if you decide to do it, I would definitely wait until after 8 months of age. Best of luck to you - By the way, my son is now almost four. I never let him cry it out....he sleeps through the night and is a secure happy little boy...and the feeling like I never got to put him down only seems like yesterday!! It goes by fast - enjoy your baby.

4 months is way to young to CIO. He is very young and the reason he is crying is because he feels insecure and wants you near. Please do not do this.

Lisa

Boy he really is young. Maybe he is ready to sleep on his tummy? At 4 months he will be safe.. Also a crib can look really big and empty during the day. Place him with the top of his head against a rolled towel placed in the corner of the crib. This will remind him of the womb.

The other thing people have discovered is that their infants sleep well in the baby swing or a cradle that rocks to help the infant sleep. Have you tried a pacifier?

Also some infants are just very alert. He wants to see everything and not miss out. During the daytime, the light may really affect him. I used to hang quilts over the window, play really soft music and not speak or make eye contact while our daughter had her milk for nap. At daycare they pulled down the blinds and shut off the light.

In the evenings have the house quiet, give him a really warm bath with strong rubs and then a quiet bottle in a darkened room. No TV or conversation. Do not speak to him or look at him. In the middle of the night if you have to change his diaper, do this with minimal light and no talking.

You all just need to help him find a routine.
CIO may be what he needs in the long run and at this age they really have no memories, but it is so hard on parents.

((cringe)) Yuck. Please don't. He's so little still.

eee, not sure if I'd do it at 4 months. Ferber strictly says not to do it until the child is at least 6 months. I would try a swing before I did CIO... good luck.

My daughter is 3 months old and I have started putting her to sleep on her belly. She sleeps for about 4-6 hours at night, I then feed her when she wakes up and she goes back to sleep for another 4-6 hours. Just make sure your son can lift his head on his own. I also have a sound machine which seems to be helpful. I must agree that CIO at this age might be too young. Good luck and God bless

Hi L.,
Your baby is only 4 months old. Letting her cry it out is horrible. I never let mine cry it out. They need love not solitude at that age. She has many years to learn how to sleep on her own. Don't listen to that doctor. Cuddle with her and co-sleep with her if she sleeps better that way. I never had success with that method. It is not very nice for new baby to cry becasue she is not really sure where or when her mother is coming back. Cuddles are better. Babies are tiring but it does not last forever.

Good luck,

W.
Mother of 2 boys

I am a believer in the CIO method, but I do think he might be a little young for it yet. I would try a swing at naptime...I'm not sure if I could have lived through both of my kids without mine. That really seemed to work well for both of them until around 6 months or so when we started CIO. Also, at night, I would not run right into the room if he starts fussing. Wait just a minute or two to see if he's just stirring and can get back to sleep or if he needs your help. If he really starts crying, I would go in to him and try to pat his back or rub his belly without picking him up. See if you can try to transition him to getting back down without being rocked or held and then work on getting him back down by himself in another couple of months. My daughter was a great sleeper. We had to use the CIO method for naps, but she pretty much always slept through the night starting at just 5 weeks old. My son, on the other hand, was a huge challenge. We did the CIO method, but it didn't work great for him. He just plain didn't sleep as well. He is 15 months old now and definitely has the hang of it (and has for several months), but he was probably 9 months old before he really started sleeping through the night consistently. It was exhausting, but they do eventually get there!

I know it's hard to be up constantly and to feel like the baby isn't getting enough sleep, but I don't know that I would let him cry to sleep just yet. Try the swing for naps and let him stir a little at night. He'll get there, just give him a little more time! Good luck!

Our pedi didn't tell us to CiO until 6 months. 4 months seems too young since he should be eating every few hours still. The myth about putting oatmeal in his milk is that - just a myth. A babies stomach is small which means it can only hold so much at a time. Around 6 months is when their stomachs are at a capacity to get them through the night.

I am really shocked that your pediatrician is recommending this at all and especially with a baby that is so little. This is your baby's way of communicating with you and getting reassurance that his needs are going to be met and that he is loved and cared for by you. Please read the following article that cites research completed at Yale University, Harvard Medical School, Duke University and Baylor University to name a few, regarding the very harmful physical and mental effects of this method.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

For kinder ways to assist napping and bedtime that promote healthy development for your baby, see this link for the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution ~ Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
By Elizabeth Pantley:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.a...

Here's a link to an excerpt from the book. It has a lot of good information that you could try right away.
http://www.lovegevity.com/parenting/mother/baby_wakes.html

As for needing you to hold him while he naps, I agree with another poster. You soon will find yourself longing for the days when you could hold him in your arms while he slept peacefully. It goes so fast.

I think you'll be very pleased with the results and you and your precious little guy will be having sweet dreams in no time!

We didn't follow like a specific CIO method. We did something similar to what you mentioned. We kept a routine and schedule within a few minutes at least. At night we let him cry and for the most part we did not go in. I found that going in made everything so much worse. Now of course if I heard him crying like something was really wrong, wet diaper, hungry, he was ill or shrieking we would go in and deal. But overall we didn't. There were a couple hard nights but pretty soon he was sleeping great. Nap time was more difficult, and there were and sometimes still are bouts of crying. I will tell you that I was trying to let him cry for like 10 minutes and then trying to check on him but that was the absolute worst for me. He figured out that if he cried I would come. Now that may sound harsh and like I said you really do tune into the type of cry, your heart really will tell you if you need to get in there. So one time I had to just let him cry and it was for a good while. After that I had much less problem. Some may say he could have developed trust issues but he is a bright two year old with a quick smile and a super sweet disposition so I think we made the right decision. I wish all the best as you embark on this! Don't worry if he has seasons where he cries again, they go through so many transitions the first several years and everything is pretty much normal:) All kids are different as well, so don't be afraid to change any plan you make midstream if it isn't working for your child.

I have to agree with the other posters. 4 months is very young to be trying this. They still have nutritional needs to be met in the middle of the night or early morning. Please do your own research or get a second opinion.
As far as tips..I have found that if anything takes longer than a few days for my child to get "trained" in, it's too early and they aren't ready. Whether its potty, sleep, eating training. Trying to do things before the are physically ready just doesn't do any good, and ends up being very stressful for the whole family.
We have gone to three different pediatricians and they all had VERY different advise. Be aware that they are working from their own agenda and you can (and should) have an opinion about how to raise your child. You will not always agree with them and that is ok.
Good luck.

We used the Ferber method at 6 months. Before starting the method, make sure that you have been following a set bedtime routine for a while and attempting shorter crying/settling periods. It may take another month or two before your baby is ready, but he may be ready now too. It just depends on where he is developmentally. You should get Ferber's book, and also Baby 411 has a simple list of steps to follow. I would suggest giving the method a set time, say two weeks, before you give it up. It isreally hard to hear your baby cry, and you will question yourself and want to give up. That is why a two week time window is important. It helps you to stay strong . In that time, never diverge from the plan or the baby will pick up on it and you will be back at square one. Prepare yourself for it to be hard, but it did work for me. after about a week and a half, she went to bed with no problems. Also, naps will probably be harder than night. We made the room as dark as possible and used a fan/noisemaker to help. Good luck!

I have to agree with the other posters - 4 months is way to young for CIO. The fact that your pediatrician is recommending this so young is also worrying. We did CIO for my daughter when she was 9 months old - and I had the same issues you did before then. Had to be held to nap, waking up multiple times in the night. But you know what - this time passes so quickly and I miss holding her a bit to tell the truth. I would recommend waiting at least until 6 months if not a bit beyond. We then started with the sleep end of things. Dinner, Bathtime, Story time (20-30 minutes) in a darkened room and then a small bottle to settle down with. Took a hellish week and then she settled down into putting herself to sleep and staying asleep. We didn't start with naps until the night time was sorted. Naps were harder - but we put a routine in place again. Reading, Bottle and then putting her down.

But again I really think 4 months is too young for CIO.

I am a very mainstream mom and do most of the things my ped tells me, but 4 months is too young for CIO. They say you should wait AT LEAST until 6 months. Hes just a little baby, they need you and you may make him feel abandoned. I know its hard when they won't nap without you, but perhaps you should try some other things first? Soothing music, lavender lotion, rocking him then putting him down right before he falls asleep, if he wakes up let him cry for maybe a minute or two, but beyond that is just too much for a 4 month old!

Hi L.
Yes your journey is about to begin- you might try this- when holding him for feeding have something like a little blanket or cloth diaper he can hold onto close to his body...then when he goes down besure he still is holding onto the item- it will give him some comfort and may soothe him into sleeping better. It always worked with all my children (6) and I never had to go thru the "cry it out" stages
good luck and blessings

Hi. I found some great, helpful ideas in the No-Cry Sleep Solutions book. My son also napped in the swing... Just throwing out some alternatives...

i am very supprised that your pedi recomended CIO at four months of age. i was under the impression that babies needed "milk" through out the day and night due to there blood sugar levels. think about if you only drank milk you would still need some milk durring the night. best of luck hope it works.

Good luck L.,
I personally think the CIO method is definitely the most effective and it does get easier. It's hard at first but well worth it for everyone in the end. As for the nap times, you should definitely try to get on a schedule as best as possible. Yes things will change every so often, but it's good to be on somewhat of a schedule. Especially try to start a schedule during the CIO because it will make things easier once they've stopped the crying. If you don't do it now, then you will have to go through the crying stage all over again when you try to establish a schedule of sorts. Just try to be reasonable when it comes to bed times and such. I don't think I ever put my children to bed earlier then 8 or 8:30pm. If you do, they will be getting up earlier and earlier, so I personally think that an 8 or 8:30 bedtime is the best. I didn't bump them up to a later time until they were starting school, and then they went up to 9pm. Hope this helps!!

Good luck to you,
D. H.

We had to use the CIO method for our son at bed time. Let me just warn you in advance.....it is heartbreaking! My husband had to literally hold me down to keep me from going to comfort him! But it does work. We had results in less than a week (Thank God). With my second son, he slept in his baby swing very well, so we just stuck with that until he was too big, then we had no problems at night with him.
Hope this helps. Good Luck

Something I used was a video of ocean with music. Walmart has some. I wish you the best!

I used this with both children and it does work,I used soft music as a background.After awhile just having the music on worked. Hard on mom and dad though. Good luck and hang in there.

I don't have any expert advice, although I have used this method with both my kids.. I allow fussing (not extreme screaming, or hysteria) for up to 20 min. It seems like a magical point in their cycle, and then usually have quieted down by then and sleep. I know I need a little while in bed to get to sleep, and I think they do too. Note: I don't think letting a baby lay in a crib screaming is the way to achieve a happy rest time. I do however think that mild fussing etc is a way they unwind. Also, does he have a lovey? Both of my kids have a 12" x 12 " blanket that they sleep with.. it really helps pacify them. Even a pacifier or a little animal. Good Luck Mom! Hope that helps!

I pray. God is good and faithful to do a work in my little one. We still have to let her cry it out sometimes but at those times I realize I have stopped praying. I pray with her also and that helps and teaches her to pray as well. God bless you and your little one.

Hello L.,

You are on the right track. We did this method with my daughter at about the same age. It took three evenings of crying. The first night she cried for 30 minutes and it was reduced each night. On the fourth evening, we had bedtime routine and put her in her crib and she settled in and was asleep in 5 minutes. She had occasion to stir or cry out, but I would wait and she would get herself back to sleep. I am sending you extra patience for these next few weeks. :-)

Bless you! This is going to be tough, but my main piece of advice is STICK WITH IT!!! We waited until our little boy was six months because WE weren't emotionally ready at four months. It's awful hearing him cry, but it literally took three nights for him to go to bed with no problems and to sleep through the night. With our little boy, my husband had to do the comforting (after 3, 5, 7, 10, 15 minutes) because my going in to him just made things worse (I breastfed). The first night, he cried for an hour at bedtime and during the night, but it got progressively shorter. One thing we did was use "heartbeat" music during our bedtime routine and actually all during the night--that way, any time he woke up, he heard the music and knew it was still time to sleep.

Same thing with nap. We used the music and used a shortened version of our bedtime routine--plus, make sure naps are about the same time every day. Head's up though--naps were harder for our little boy--sometimes he cried for the total 30 minutes (I would only leave him 30 minutes at nap because you don't want to just leave him in there crying all day). If he falls asleep when you go in to get him (after 30 minutes), try to put him back down in the bed.

There are people who will criticize you for doing this, but it WILL teach him to sleep on his own--and it will save everyone's sanity in the long run!

P.S. It helped me to watch a movie or something while he was crying--to take my mind off of it. Just keep telling yourself that this is for his own good. You'll make it through.

Cry out method works but if they cry too hard for too long they get lots of air and then not only are the crying to be held but hurt too b/c they need to burp from all the air!

I skimmed the rest of the responses and I noticed that someone else recommended the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child". I definitely recommend the book. While he advocates CIO. I modified it to what I could tolerate.

The book establishes naps and bedtimes and it did work for us. I would let her cry for about 30 minutes. My husband was more tolerant to crying and let her cry for the hour that it is stated in the book. It did work quickly though. We had an established nap routine within 2 weeks and bedtime.

It is a quick and easy read as well.

Good luck.

V.

Hi L.,

I did cry it out with both of my kids at around 7 months. However, your health and well being need to be taken into account, so if things are really tough, then you need to do something to fix it. You'll be a better parent if you are getting some sleep.
With that said, I would suggest starting with naps and bedtime, and once those are under control, you can worry about the middle of the night thing (I would think a 4 month old may still need to eat in the middle of the night). You will have more success if you aren't trying to do this when you should be sleeping yourself!
I would definately establish a routine before naps and bedtime and then put him down awake. At four months, I wouldn't stay gone very long - just a couple of minutes before you return to pat/comfort him.
I had great success with this method but it's important that once you start it, you stick with it. What you don't want to do, is go through this for an hour and then cave in and pick him up.
Most importantly, do what you are comfortable with. If you want to sit by his crib for awhile, then do it. My husband did this a lot and we still had great results with CIO. The important thing, is that he's falling asleep in his crib and not in your arms!
Good luck!

I can give you some advice from experience. With my first baby, we did the CIO about the same age as your baby is now and I was glad that we did. It's sooo hard to hear your baby cry and not run to him! But, you'll thank yourself in the long run because it's so nice to be able to lay your baby down, turn around, and him quietly go to sleep! (yes, it's possible!)

Establish a regular nighttime routine (it sounds like you have one). Include a nightly bath - it seems to calm them down - and follow up with some lavendar scented lotion. If you do not have one, pick up a cheap CD player so you can play lullabies (I set it so the CD will repeat itself). My kids are 2 and 5 and still need their "night-night songs" to sleep :o)

Once you've bathed baby, dressed him, fed him, read to him, lay him in his crib and rub his head, say prayers (if you do that sort of thing) and reassure him that you're nearby. Then walk away. For the 1st night, come in after 5 minutes of crying, reassure him (but don't pick him up) and then leave. Then, come in 10 minutes later, then 15 minutes, and so on. Your baby will come to realize that you are near and will know that once you lay him down, it's time for bed.

I didn't do this with my 2nd and I paid for it dearly! I would nurse him to sleep so then he got to the point where he couldn't go to sleep unless he was nursed - I became his pacifier. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 13 months!!! You can imagine how exhausted I was. I finally did the CIO method and within 3 days, he would lay quietly until he fell asleep. Whew, was I ever happy!

In conclusion, I advise you to do this early on so that you do not have to go a year without a full night's sleep like I did :o) You can do it! And your baby will not be harmed by crying it out! You are teaching him independence and the important life skill of pacifying himself to sleep. It's good for him and for your sanity :o) Good luck!

I did the cry out method starting the day my daughter got home from the hospital. It is hard at first but once they sleep thru the night and take a 1.5 hours nap it is worth it.

My first suggestion is go get a video monitor and find a place in your house where you cannot hear him. The video monitor will allow you to see him and it will give you some peace letting you know he is ok.

Second, get him on a 3 or 3.5 hour schedule. It should start with eating, playing and then sleeping. If he eats before sleeping, he might relate the two and the bottle could become a dependency for him to sleep. When he goes down for his nap, I would rock him for about 10 min (I always kept my eye on the clock) and put him down. Whenever he starts crying, let him go for about 10 to 20 min (This is when you need to go find the quiet place in your house and watch the monitor on mute.) After 10 to 20, go back in and rock him again for about 10 min. Repeat this for about 1.5 to 2 hours (However long you want him to take a nap for.)

At first, this will be the whole nap. Eventually, he will start sleeping in spirts. Remember, babies do a have an active cycle. Babies have a tendency to cry about 45 minutes into their nap. They usually cry for about 20 minutes. This is when they are transitioning from an active cycle to rem.

Eventually, he will be able to go longer and longer. This will let him teach himself to sleep.

I promise he will not remember any of it. My daughter slept through the night at 8 weeks. It typically takes a baby 3 to 4 days to change their schedule.

I suggest getting the book Babywise.

I will never forget the day we did that to my oldest!
(She is 12 now!).....
Close the door my friend (I sat outside the door for the entire ordeal....) and wait. I was JUST ABOUT to enter (I could not take it no more!) and all of a sudden...pure sweet silence! My husband said "Oh my dear, you just cooked your goose!" We giggle to the day.

He/She will do fine. I suggest going outside and take shifts to listen. Don't you just love motherhood!
Take Care.

Pediatrician's are not sleep experts or parenting experts. They make sure that there is nothing physically wrong with your child - that's it. 4 months is way too young for CIO. It is not recommended until the child is at least 6 months old. The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley offers all kinds of wonderful ideas to help with sleep. Also, please read the original CIO guy's book: Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber. Even he says not to do it before 6 months. If you do decide to do this once he's 6 months, you should see significant progress within 3 nights, not a week. If you don't, something else needs to be addressed. CIO should not be taken lightly; you need to make sure you have all the facts. Also, don't put him to sleep on his tummy as another poster suggested until he is able to roll over by himself. That's a major risk factor for SIDS.

Are you sure he's not hungry at night? At four months, they still need to eat at least once or twice at night because their tummies are so little. "Sleeping through the night" is really only 5 hours straight. You may also want to rule out acid reflux. If he's miserable, something is wrong and it may not just be sleep. My daughter had to sleep at an incline so that her milk wouldn't back up on her. They can have reflux even if they're not spitting up. Perhaps that might be a reason he insists on being held. (You might want to see a different pedi for this.)

Now personally, we did CIO with my daughter at 10 1/2 months. Up until that point, swaddling (until she learned to roll over) and the swing were indispensable.

It takes at least 3 painful nights. Get support from your hubby who will be stronger than you. Mine had to physically keep me from going in there, ha! Whatever you do, don't give in. We did this with my first 2 - and they do well now. I didn't with my last, for many reasons, and I regret it now. He's 4 years old and has the hardest time staying in bed. 3 - 5 painful nights for all = wonderful nights for years to come.

We did this with our daughter who is now almost 3, and while it is just awful at the start, I can atest that our little girl takes awesome naps and goes to bed without much coaxing and this has been the case since she was about 5-6 months. It takes a couple of weeks, not days to get them on a schedule, but it is so worth it! Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby? http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp... Totally recommend it, it gives you hope when you are ready to pull your hair out-good luck!