I have a 8 years old son who recently was self stimulating occationally in the classroom. The teacher brought to my attention, so we are trying to correct the behavior. I have not seen him to that at home, but definitely will be watching him more closely now. He is a calm boy, focus in the class, and no problem on the school work.
Wondering if anyone has similar experience and any suggestion how to correct this behavior so it would not become a problem.
Thank you everyone for the great advice. We have talked to him about touching his private part privately, and also talk about why sometime it will get erected. We change out his underwears to one size bigger, and I got him some putty clay to play with in the class. The teacher will also remind him to put his hand on the desk when she spotted him. He has not been doing it in the class (I have never saw him do it at home)after all this, so hopefully it just a "short term" problem.
Thank you everyone again!
I agree with Page and Thea, and add to their suggestions that you get him some object he can play with at school to help distract his hands: like a foam pencil grip, a worry stone or foam ball, or other tactile thing. He may be unconsciously doing it to relieve stress, and while he should be more conscious of his actions, another source of stimulation may help.
Masturbating is a natural thing that is not "bad." However, it is a private thing that he should only do when he's by himself, in his room or the bathroom. So when you talk with him about this, don't tell him he has to stop what he's doing, just where he's doing it. Guys of all ages love their penises, and that's not going to change.
Hi W.,
Oh those silly boys!
I have to say that I think it's totally normal for a boy to WANT to touch himself, however, he missed "basic training" on WHERE (place & timing) he's allowed to touch himself ;O)
If I ever saw my boys "doing that", then I always told them to go to their room, because it's private. They usaully just removed their little hand instead, because they didn't want "to miss anything". I never wanted them to feel as if they were bad, but only was trying to teach them when to be private. They learned this at 3-4 mostly, then had it perfected by the time Kindergarten started.
You just need to tell him that his body is private, and to touch "certain areas" of his body are even MORE private. Tell him it should NEVER be done at school.....or else others will see him....period.
Good luck!
:o) N.
Let me be clear that I am not at that stage yet as a mom, as I have a 5 month old. However, professionally I have training in child development and the fact is children will experiment. What you say to them is based in your family's belief system. However, know that he knows how it feels but does not have a sense of social context, as you have probably noticed by other behaviors he may have tried in public (won't even try to give an example here, boys get creative). So, if it helps, take the sexual element out of it and treat it like any other behavior. You, or your husband, can give him the right context. From there it should correct itself. No need to feel overly vigilant of the behavior, he just needs to know the where and when. Good luck!
I have experienced this with my daughter. I discussed it with her doctor & she said it was normal that they are figuring out that certain things are feeling good. I just explained to her that it is not appropiate for school & she is free to self explore alone in her room. The key thing is being alone. Make sure he is not engaging anyone to do it with him or watch. Explain that it is normal, because he could feel ashamed about it.
When you say "self stimulating", do you actually mean "masturbating"?
Self stim behavior runs the gamut of everything from masturbation to pulling hair or pushing in eyeballs, even headbanging.
What exactly do you mean when you say that?
If it's masturbatory in nature, yeah, you'd want him to know it's normal and something done in private because it disturbs people sometimes. If he isn't able to control whatever he is doing, it may be a psychological issue, like the early signs of a compulsive disorder, which is treatable with therapeutic counseling and sometimes medications, and lots of love.
Tell him straight up not to do that in the classroom. By 8 he should know that. Tell him if the other kids see him doing that he'll never hear the end of it.
Personally, I'd have my husband talk to him. They have the same parts and more insight. I wouldn't avoid the subject and would let my son briefly know my thoughts but would let my husband handle the bulk of this one.
My son is also 8 and seems a lot more interested in store mannikins with bras on, anything or anyone naked or scantily clad, like Barbies. His friends are the same way.
I wonder if your son is truly just visually stimlulated by something at school and then kind of forgets where he is.
Some children self stimulate as a calming mechanism. First you need to talk with him about how it is natural to want to do this, but that he needs to respect others and do it only in private. Secondly, ask him or meet with his teacher to find out if there is anything else going on at school that is bothering him that may be causing him to need to calm himself. Finally, talk to him about how sometimes he will get a hard on at bad times, like during school and that he needs to be excused to go to the bathroom to pee and deal with it or to put a jacket or something on his lap and forget about it until it goes away. Learning these lessons is tough on boys. :0)
Have you had a frank talk with him about his body related to this?
Let him know that it is normal to want to do this, and that you understand that he likes the way it feels, however, like all things related to his "private parts" it is not something that can EVER be done publicly.
Ask him to verbalize what he thinks are teh feelings/reactions of his teachers and classmates. Ensure that he understands he does not have the right to make others feel uncomfortable in that way. Help him come up with times or places that it WOULD be okay to touch himself (ie in bed at night, in the shower, etc.) so that he is able to understand that this is not about him being gross, or abnormal, but inappropriate at school.
Good luck with this,
T.
One thing no one mentioned so far was the fact that sometimes boys can't control when they get an erection and at that age it does tend to "pop up" at some inopportune moments- he could very well be trying to get it to stop or just not understand that just because it's ready to go that he can't help it along. I would suggest telling him to ignore it (if people start to notice he can keep a book or sweat shirt on his lap until it goes away) and that, like peeing or picking his nose, it is not a public activity. The appropriate place for these things are the bathroom AT HOME (you don't want him in trouble at school for that) or his bedroom. Tell him also that if he tries to pee usually it will go away too (it can't do both at the same time) or even thinking about something irritating or boring like a subject he doesn't like in school or a book he doesn't like. Oh, and make sure to remind him to wash his hands when he's done.
